Tonight Rachel decided to call me and confronted me about calling her a whore with my friend....on my private journal. She exploded upon me, not understanding my logic and why i trash talked her to my friend....The fun point in fact is that i only trash talked her on the fact that i believe her actions are well...that of person of ill-repute. To have sex with someone after knowing them only a month, blows my mind, but well i guess thats my own opinion...oh wait...maybe thats why i wrote it on my own journal...because its my opinion on what she did.
She pointed out that i barely knew her before i gave her my virginity. She fails to remember the months of talking and getting to know each other before hand. I'm sure it obviously slipt her mind.
She said i've changed. The only matter that i've changed is that i am not going to bow down and allow myself to be walked all over anymore....If thats a problem, that im not a weak follower anymore...well im sorry im taking control of my life now.
Meanwhile let me add that this smooth girl called me in the midst of her group of friends. Obviously an added insult to my character, with their "oooooooooos" and their "your ugly anyway!"....obviously we have some winners. Now you see, my friends defended me just the same against you...
Anyways i came home...and i was told by my friend who read her journal...(because well according to her my friends can't read her journal....but her friends can read mine...its obviously fair...didn't you get the memo on that?) that she had posted my screenname and my friends screen name on her journal. Very mature. I promise that if I or my friend receive any people bothering us because she has the audacity to put other peoples screen names up on your journal...that i will not stand for it.
I've decided to take her comment to our conversation of a few days ago and im going to be dividing it up and responding to it myself. Italics are my comments ...hers are within the quote below:
"I love how Danny's friends have nothing better to do then trash talk me...and they haven't even met me.
I never said a bad word about Danny until this all started happening.
He was convinced I was making him out to be such a bad guy...and all I did was say wonderful things about him.
Yet he continued to make me look like this horrible, terrible person.
Point to take one. I've never gone out of my way to make her look like a horrible person. She has easily done it for herself, and i have never said a word to my friends in a way to make her look horrible...i have only spoken the truth of what happened. My friends make judgements wisely based on fact. My friends would tell me very quickly if i was in the wrong on any situation.
NO ONE knows what happened between us, or what I did or didn't do except for him and I.
None of my friends know, none of his friends know...
So please hold your judgement on me until you have a clue.
No...i tell my friends what happened. Because i trust them and their opinions. They know exactly what occured.
I have every right to have sex with my boyfriend. I'm not a whore because of it. It was a public entry because Danny told me he no longer read my journal, and that he was cutting me out of his life. I took that as an OK to be completely honest in my journal without hurting him. He also told me he never read my super personal journal because it was my private thing...so how the hell was I supposed to know?
This is bs because she knew i still read her journal. Let me also state that she knew i read her private one too. She was always pushing for me to read it, so i could read her fake words to me that she couldnt use on her real journal. She could manipulate my mind easily with this journal...She made it completely obvious on both her journals..so if i missed it on one journal...i wouldnt miss the sex part on the other. She wanted me to know....
I never went out to hurt Danny. EVER. I adored that kid. We broke up. I regretted it. I missed him. I trusted him. I wanted to work things out between us even if that meant to stay friends.
That obviously can't happen.
No it can't happen......i'd also at this point like to point out the fact that she only missed me after breaking up with me after dennis gave her the boot, and stole her money. Or at least that money thing was a grand scheme lie, because well....when someone steals a thousand dollars from you...well you normally...stop being their friend. It's basic human knowledge. However she is still an amazing buddy with the guy. Seems weird no? Almost as weird as forgetting not to call the bank and tell them you got money stolen so it could be replaced....Bloody brilliant how she got me.
I called him while I was at the Java Hut to confront him...and I felt better after I did it. But as soon as I got home I started to cry. Really hard. He regrets loosing his virginity to me. I will always and forever be that person that someone REGRETS loosing their virginity to. I just...gosh...I don't know. I haven't changed at all. I am the same person I was when he met me...I fear that he is the one who has changed.
If you believe your the same person i met long ago. I'd hate to burst your bubble...but your much different.
He is a good person. I know this. He is a wonderful friend, and of course his friends are going to stick up for him. But calling me a whore because I had sex with my boyfriend is NOT cool. No one called Danny a whore for having sex with me only days after he got here...that confuses me slightly...but whatever.
As stated above....we talked for many months and got to know each other before i gave her my virginity. We didn't just meet a month before and go hey lets have sex. But obviously knowing a person for a month, you know them well enough to have sex.
I'm just so hurt that I can't even speak. I'm even more hurt that some of my friends read these entries he was posting about me and never told me. One person in particular...that I consider a really good friend of mine...ugh whatever.
Do not drag your friends into this. Those people are good people, and for you to be mad over them not telling you something...when they could have easily missed that entry...is very ridiculous of you.
Up until this past week everything that has come out of my mouth about Danny has been nothing but sweet. I had great memories with him, and he was a wonderful person and a good boyfriend. I don't know why I'm being condemned for breaking up with him. Things just weren't going to work out for us, and I could see it. I wanted him to go to school. I was being selfish convincing him to move up here with me, and I knew that. But of course, I'M the bad guy. I'm sorry that I broke up with Danny. I'm sorry that I moved on. I'm sorry that I still cared about the kid. I'm sorry! I don't know what else I'm supposed to say.
Perhaps...im sorry for manipulating your heart...im sorry for dating you long distance even though i knew i had a problem with distance...im sorry for listening to Dennis and pushing you away and putting you in an awkward situation where you barely got into school....im sorry for running back to you after dennis didnt work out...im sorry i only wrote what i wanted you to see so i could manipulate your mind...should i continue?
All I ask is that my name forever be wiped of your lips, and your friends lips. They don't know me, and I would appreciate it, if I wasn't spoken of anymore. I never did ANYTHING to deserve the shit talk. I did NOTHING. Your lack of trust was not because of anything I did. You just NEVER BELIEVE ANYTHING I SAY TO YOU. and thats not my fault. I have never lied to you about things...I have always told you the truth...yet you always think I'm lying...or that there is something I'm not telling you...thats you're own problem...not mine.
This is the end. I didn't know you were such a hateful person. I hope one day you realize all of this, and I will be here to forgive you.
Once again im hateful because i speak my mind. You can't win with this girl, she has to be right...or your wrong. Its ridiculous...and thats why i stayed quiet on the phone when she called me. It wasn't a manner of feeling bad or anything at all...i knew that there was no way i could get my point across to the girl...especially with her rage building up.
Either way...I got off the phone with Danny and I was surrounded by my friends, and my amazing boyfriend all smiling and hugging me. Everyone knew how difficult it was for me to confront him. I didn't want to. I didn't want to yell at him...I didn't want to be upset with him...but I had to. And I felt better after I did. And Dennis even pointed it out. I have everything I ever wanted right here. Amazing supportive friends, and a boyfriend who adores me more than anyone ever has before.
Well aww...its a touching scene....im sure everyone felt a lot better after acting immature in the background....So beautiful. LEt me add that it was quite easy for her to yell at me, obviously correct vocal tones were void from her at the moment...even when i spoke neutral....she found it added to her sense of rage to yell into the phone at me...couple with the oooooos and other things, it was splendid to hear.
Nick has been so supportive through all of this and still refrains from saying anything angry or bitter about the situation. He understands, and supports me. He makes me laugh,(The NANNAVERSARY! lol), he tells me I'm beautiful, and he loves me for me. I even think he MIGHT like me more than Nachos...or Dragonforce...but I don't know...thats some tough stuff to compete with. *laughs*
I'm just happy I have people in my life who support me 100 percent.
I'm going to get through this, and I'm going to be strong.
I've been through worse shit than this in my life.
Hey...knock me down and I'll get up again...I FEEL PAINLESS." "
The point at the end...This was the most ridiculous thing that has ever occured to me. Beyond the realms of maturity she tries to pretend she exists in.....it was great. I laughed to myself at the end. Luckily i have "my" supportive friend...who love me to death, and last time i checked...i wasnt always mad at them one moment...and then friends with them the next...unlike another certain person who claims to lose members of her friend group at multiple instances....only to say...aww we're better now. Oh well...these people will be with me for a long time.
Thank you Phillip, Tiffany, Meghan, Joe, Joanna, Big Mike, Nicole , Jessica, Jamie, Becky, Adam, Christa, Josh, Stephanie, Both Robbys...and everyone else i've missed in my 4 in the morning post...that has helped me through all of this unneeded stress in my life.
I love you all